England rugby star Ellie Kildunne has revealed her struggle with body dysmorphia that developed during the coronavirus lockdown in 2020.
Kildunne scored five tries as part of England's Rugby World Cup win last year, including a breathtaking solo effort as part of the .
Speaking ahead of the the - in which Kildunne also scored - she told BBC Sport about feeling "really alone" following the high of that World Cup triumph.
The England full-back has now also opened up on her unhealthy weight loss and the eating disorder she developed when prevented from playing competitve rugby during the pandemic.
"I could probably see myself getting a little bit smaller, but then was still trying to chase being smaller on top of that," Kildunne, who has recently released her autobiography 'Game Changer' told the BBC.
"I wasn't in that team environment with physios all the time, or my team-mates.
"And body dysmorphia is such a funny thing, because I would have been small but I would see myself as bigger in the mirror.
"It seems really stupid now, and I look back on it and don't know why I did it, but I just ended up having a terrible relationship with food.
"In the rugby world, I'm considered small, but in my world outside rugby, I was considered big, so I never really had that place where I felt comfortable, that I fit in.
"Maybe I was rebelling against everything, but not knowing what I was trying to aim for at the same time."
Kildunne, who now plays at Harlequins, said that it was a physio session at previous club Wasps that brought the issue to a head, as lead physiotherapist Emily Ross asked if Klldunne was okay.
"I broke down in tears, probably because I've been waiting for someone to say that," Kildunne said.
"I knew I had a problem, but it was something that I wasn't even trying to stop.
"But as soon as you say something out loud to somebody, that creates accountability. If I'm not stopping for me at this point, I'm stopping because I've told you and I don't want you to worry.
"So we had a really honest conversation, and from that point on Emily became a real support for me."
Kildunne added that she feels "in control now" and that she can talk about something "and it not trigger me."
"I have finally started to realise the influence that I can have on other people, and I want to do more than I have been doing, because I really think that can help people.
"From the outside it all looks perfect, and I want to show people that no-one's perfect.
"Just because I'm a rugby player for England doesn't make me this superhero. And I want to relate to people that maybe are going through similar things and give them that friend and that support that I probably needed."
